We aren't perfect, but reasonably often we come across someone, who seems to be perfect for us despite all the red flags, but somewhere we lose them along the path. A romantic and intimate relationship with someone having clinical Bipolar disorder is hard. Taking care of them, knowing the trigger points, their highs and lows are harder. We often find ourselves complaining about the situation we find ourselves in with those who need our help. However, this is an article for those who have taken care of bipolar victims and seek more support and to help filter their way towards the balance between themselves and their partner by understanding more about the illness.
A. Physical Abuse
Major depressive episodes often arise after the end of manic episodes and stay longer than the former.
Five or more of the following symptoms may indicate a major depressive episode:
Table of Content
- Bipolar disorder for Dummies
- Types of bipolar disorder.
- What is an abusive relationship?
- Types of abusive relationships.
- Well managed bipolar disorder.
- What are 'manic' and 'depressive' episodes?
- Intimacy during or after episodes.
- Work-life and marriage.
- Using bipolarity as a trump card
- History of your partner, should that affect you?
- Domestic Violence and bipolar disorder.
- Supporting your partner through the episodes.
1. What is Bipolar Disorder
Bipolar disorder, which was previously called "Manic Depression", is a clinically diagnosed mood disorder with periods of depression, followed by periods of hyperactivity, elevated mood, and prolonged abnormal energetic state associated with it.
The symptoms often last for weeks in severely affected patients.
Less severe symptoms are termed as 'Hypomania'.
During mania, you may notice your partner be hyperactive and unnaturally energetic, happy, or resentful and prone to take more impulsive decisions. Crying, poor eye contact, and a desire for intimacy might follow.
Genetic and environmental factors are often associated with bipolar disorder, which includes childhood abuse, long-term stress, and depression. If your partner was abused as a child, there's a section dedicated later for you.
2. Types of Bipolar Disorder
Bipolar-I, Bipolar-II, and Cyclothymic disorder are the most examined bipolar disorders. The symptoms and periodicity vary among the classifications, but mostly the severity and frequency is the point of concern.
A. Bipolar-I Disorder
If your partner was subjected to at least one manic episode throughout their life, they are already a victim of bipolar disorder, and depending on the severity of recurring episodes, the medical professionals might be able to diagnose the type of bipolarity he/she has. The episodes are much more severe in Bipolar-I disorders.
Bipolar-I disorder is very common among teens and at least 2.5% of US citizens have some kind of manageable or unmanageable bipolar disorder.
Losing touch with reality, hypersexuality, loud speeches are among the most prominent symptoms of a manic episode.
B. Bipolar-II Disorder
Bipolar-II Disorder is often similar in symptoms with Bipolar-I disorder, but in the case of Bipolar-II disorders, the maniac episodes seem to be a little less intense, as what we discussed earlier, 'Hypomania'. This type of disorder is often associated with more frequent depressive episodes. If your partner is full of energy and very fun at parties; but reasonably often looks to be depressed and erratic about little things, or shows exaggerated confidence about things they shouldn't be about, they could be having Bipolar-II Disorder.
C. Cyclothymic Disorder
At least four past manic episodes are to be experienced in a year before the experts could detect Cyclothymic Disorder, this type of disorder is more recurring than the previous two. The stretch between two manic episodes could be in months, but nonetheless, if the symptoms are coming back periodically, it's time to go for a checkup.
A study among bipolar subjects was conclusive of the fact that depressive episodes are more frequent than manic episodes, at least 35times more frequent.
3. What is an Abusive Relation
There is no universal definition to define an abusive relationship. If you feel abused, you are abused, there's no grey zone here. Even a broken promise could be a sign of emotional abuse. Jealousy, lack of intimacy, verbal abuse, if anything makes you feel derogated in a relationship, you are being abused.
What do you feel about it is very important, sometimes, things happen. He might've said something, she might've said something, in the end, it's all up to your relationship and your perspective that sets the narrative. It's called domestic abuse if it originates from not only your partner but in-laws, parents, family members.
"If you alter your behaviour because you are frightened of how your partner will react, you are being abused" - Sandra Horley
4. Types of an abusive relationship
A. Physical Abuse
If you are getting physically hurt, or have gotten hurt at any point of time by the direct or indirect action deliberately taken by your partner or anyone else, you are or have been in a physically abusive relationship.
B. Emotional Abuse
Verbal abuse can be as traumatizing as physical abuse; threatening, gaslighting, anything that inflicts trauma or emotional scar is a form of emotional abuse. Threatening to suicide, threatening to inflict self-harm, and whatever causes you to forcibly make amends with your partner, is emotional abuse.
C. Financial Abuse
Limiting the access to finances or assets, limiting the scope of managing shared or individual assets, limiting the likelihoods of an individual's future earning potentials, are considered to be financial abuse.
If your partner doesn't want you to have a job, deliberately causes you hardship to manage your own finances, you might be a victim of financial abuse.
5. Managing Bipolar Disorder
Bipolar disorder is a lifelong situation, but it's possible to find your stressors and manage them effectively, that being said, if your partner is having symptoms, go through them together and find what are the triggers to help manage them together.
If you are dealing with bipolar disorder, there are some techniques and practiced methods to manage the disorder effectively to lead a better lifestyle.
Sleep is considered to be a biomarker for bipolar disorder. Getting enough sleep is not directly associated with better management of Bipolarism, but you might've noticed sleep disturbances during the severe episodes. I could tell you in detail about how sleep deprivation in bipolar patients are linked to
1. Poor eating habits and more calorie intake, resulting in weight gain,
2. Reduced energy levels linking to less likelihood of doing healthy activities like shopping, seeing others, and exercising.
3. Having suicidal ideas or even attempts.
But, you know these and can reduce the effects by having regular disciplined sleep.
I posted a question on a popular forum to better understand what could be done differently to make the situation better, the inputs were extraordinary. I noted and stripped them down to the core for a light and better read for you.
You need to accept the fact that you have such a problem, you need to acknowledge the fact that the disease is non-treatable but manageable.
Get an education from your psychiatrist about the type of your bipolar disorder.
Write down the stressors.
Wait until the phases pass, you must believe that the phase you are now into, may it be depressive or maniac, it will pass. It may be long, but it will pass.
Self-pity is self-harm. SAY NO TO SELF-PITY.
Make exercising a must, exhaust yourself in the morning to sleep better at night.
Eat healthily.
Self-confidence, positivity is what will take you a long way in your personal and professional life while dealing with the situation.
6. More About Understanding the Episodes
Mania and hypomania are different only by the severity of the symptoms, both a manic and hypomanic episode can consist of three or more of the following symptoms:
- Abnormally active, weirdly upbeat, and fidgety.
- Exaggerated confidence and euphoria.
- Decreased sleep or interrupted sleep.
- Bizarrely talkative.
- Fidgeting thoughts and ideas.
- Distractibility.
- Poor decision-making, hypersexuality, hyperactive action-taking.
- Exaggerated confidence and euphoria.
- Decreased sleep or interrupted sleep.
- Bizarrely talkative.
- Fidgeting thoughts and ideas.
- Distractibility.
- Poor decision-making, hypersexuality, hyperactive action-taking.
Major depressive episodes often arise after the end of manic episodes and stay longer than the former.
Five or more of the following symptoms may indicate a major depressive episode:
- Feeling sad, hopeless, self-pity, and irritability.
- Losing interest in all the activities and pleasure.
- Significant weight loss, weight gain, decrease in appetite.
- Insomnia, tiredness, excessive napping throughout the day.
- Slow, sluggish behavior.
- Fatigue or energy loss, loss of desire to cook, clean.
- Feelings of worthlessness.
- Reduced concentration span, loss of eye contact.
- Planning to attempt suicide.
- Losing interest in all the activities and pleasure.
- Significant weight loss, weight gain, decrease in appetite.
- Insomnia, tiredness, excessive napping throughout the day.
- Slow, sluggish behavior.
- Fatigue or energy loss, loss of desire to cook, clean.
- Feelings of worthlessness.
- Reduced concentration span, loss of eye contact.
- Planning to attempt suicide.
7. Intimacy and Bipolar Disorder
Long-term dating, marriages, and sexual intimacy can be tricky for bipolar patients. As a bipolar patient, being one shouldn't affect you to go out, but you should mention the condition as early as possible if mutual feelings of attraction are starting to develop. And as a partner, educating yourself about the condition, asking about their situation is the best you can do.
In a manic episode; hypersexuality, increased need for sexual gratification, high risk-taking behaviors such as engaging in receptive intercourse without condoms, homosexuality in non-homosexuals, poor sexual judgment, are often observed. Teens indulge in excessive masturbation, pornography, and act sexually towards adults. while having a manic episode, and a 67% increase in the number of extramarital affairs were observed in bipolar patients. Women are more prone to hypersexuality than men patients.
Bipolar-I disorder patients are more prone to hypersexuality than Bipolar-II patients.
The impact of depression on sexual relations is more severe than manic episodes, as depressive cycles are longer and more destructive. Decreased sex drive, self-blame, losing interest in non-sexual intimacy are often the long-term effects of depression. Several drugs frequently used to treat bipolar disorder have an effect on libido.
Not everyone encounters mood phases frequently, but when they do, it's calamitous to the relationship. Talking and letting go is the only viable solution if you are already in a long-term relationship. Taking care of your partner and yourself in these hard times is the way to go.
8. Work-life and Marriage
Your professional life is gonna be challenging. The abrupt mood swings, the hyperactivity, the depression, it's all gonna take a toll on your job performance. But what is life if not hardship? sustaining a job is hard even for the 'normals', but not as hard as you have faced off with the condition.
I have read interviews and research articles of doctors and researchers of Bipolar Disorder, who have Bipolar Disorder and have successfully channeled the energy into productivity.
What's stopping you?!
Analysis suggests that 88% or almost 9 out of 10 people with the condition had issues with their job and performance. You might be given jobs that have less or no responsibility, your promotions might get delayed, but no one can't stop you from having a job. Let me tell you something, being an EMT is a very satisfying job a bipolar patient can have. I've heard from EMTs with bipolar disorders that they immensely enjoy the responsibility that comes with it, and love the satisfaction of being able to help.
If full-time work schedules are challenging for you, talk to them about flexible hours, the option to work from home(if only they are asking you to get back to the office), self-paced workload, make them understand your condition, your need for sleep and a predictable schedule.
Often, workplace stigma can make you perform poorly more than your condition, your health condition is a private thing, don't indulge in a discussion until and unless you absolutely trust them and your performance is being affected by it.
And please take it slow.
Bipolar Disorder not only negatively impacts your personal life but your immediate family as well. Marriage is an important social aspect, the negative consequences of the situation on marriage are more elongated than just mood swings and emotional trauma. Divorce rates, fertility issues, sexual dysfunction are the most common causes of concern among bipolar patients.
A very high number of bipolar patients get married earlier in life, more than other patients with a serious illness like schizophrenia. But the divorce rates among married couples with one of them having any kind of bipolar disorder are quite higher than average.
Fertility rates are a major concern, mostly the inability and unwillingness of bipolar patients to have sexual intimacy is the principal cause.
Certain type of medication like Lithium causes sexual dysfunction in about one-third of the patients as observed.
Poor marital adjustment can function as a stressor, and a satisfactory, caring marriage can act as a healing factor for mental issues.
A study suggests that married women had less severe manic and depressive episodes than unmarried women with bipolar disorder. No such data was comparison could be concluded for married men.
In Sardinia, married couples with one of them having bipolar disorder had 17% fewer children than the general population. But the effects were more prominent in male patients than females.
In the case of women, using Valproate has led to polycystic ovarian disease in many cases as a side effect. Which can cause an altered and irregular menstrual cycle.
ok, I'm done saying negative things, now for a positive change, all these data were derived from different demographic and cultural populations, with very small sample sizes. In severe cases, these could be true but in the cases of well-managed disorders, the understanding and communication between partners is the key to a successful marriage. Marriage is not easy, management is quite necessary to sustain a beautiful relationship, if your partner is troubled, talk to him, let them know that you are by their side even if the world isn't. It's going to get better.
9. Using Bipolarity as a Way Out
We all get enraged at several points in our life. We all get sad. Bipolar disorder is not being able to control its severity and frequency. when a lifelong illness keeps affecting you regularly, it's always tough to keep your sanity alive. But for some, it's a ticket to do anything and everything and get away with it. They keep using their illness as a trump card to hold onto their partner's face and make them feel guilty about themselves.
Whatever the situation may be, abusing your partner, or being abused by them should never be an option to sustain a relationship. If you let your bipolar partner get away with anything just because they got a condition, even hurting you emotionally or physically, it's never gonna stop.
There have been many instances, where a bipolar patient, who was diagnosed, never had bipolar disorder. The first thing you have to understand is that bipolar disorder is a serious condition. Faking something like this is critically hard, as hard as trying to fake Dementia. But there had been students, mostly students, who falsely use bipolar disorder to define their bad grades.
Overspending, overdrinking, low attention span, hypersexuality are all symptoms of bipolar disorder, but as researchers point to, these are activities of pleasure, and bipolar disorder might be a way out ticket for some of them. You should be able to understand the state your partner is in, but don't let them get away with anything, let them know you were not happy with what they did, not brutally, but with intent for care.
10. History of Your Partner, How Bipolarity Develops
The exact causes behind the development of bipolar disorder are still not known, several theories are still being studied by scholars to understand the underlying element.
Scientists believe that bipolarity is the result of both genetic and environmental factors. It's assumed that bipolar patients are somewhat born with it, but the advancement is caused by the stimulants like abuse and stressful events.
With one parent with clinical bipolarity, the chances of their firstborn developing some symptoms are marginally high.
Childhood trauma and abuse are potential risk factors of bipolar disorder, a detailed study concluded. Childhood trauma is directly associated with the development of bipolar disorder later in life.
A different stat shows that early bipolar children are more prone to being abused than other children with other mental disorders.
Physical and emotional abuse and neglect as a child are considered to be the most detrimental factors for heightened severity and frequency of the bipolar disorder in adults.
Talking to your partner is often the first step, ask them about their schooling, parents and get to know if any continuous neglect or abuse took place during their childhood. Find out the triggers - lookout for changes in their emotions - discuss the events. Not being alarmed by your presence, as they are by the traumatic experiences should be the primary objective.
11. Domestic Violence and Bipolar Disorder
Anger is not a symptom of bipolar disorder. Hollywood has always depicted bipolarity with high function, anger, abuse, and breakdowns. This is not always the case - violence and bipolar disorder can never be associated directly. Alcohol and substance abuse have often proved to be the element of violent behavior in bipolar disorder - moreover, a very less percentage of bipolar patients have been found to be violent during Euthymia (tranquil state).
Patients receiving regular treatments of the condition have shown significantly less aggressive behavior than those who didn't.
Domestic violence should not be blamed on mental disorders, talk to your local authority if you are being abused. Don't let your partner or anyone close to them tell you otherwise. If it's to be blamed on bipolarity, let their doctors decide.
12. Supporting your partner
You won't be able to stop your partner from relapsing, but you can certainly be prepared with the measures to help them out throughout the episodes.
Don't take the episodes personally, your partner might've said something rude, have been hyperactive recently, been reckless, been non-engaging, might've lost appetite, but it's neither your fault nor theirs.
It's not because they are being selfish or immature, it's almost as hard as for them to hurt you. There might be a meltdown after the manic episodes, as someone close to them, talk about the things that hurt you, make them understand the situation you are in. They are bipolar, not stupid. They will understand.
Be prepared for their behaviors in advance, make them sign a treatment clause beforehand, call the medical staff, doctor, or whoever is in charge of their condition. Your partner might get depressive and even suicidal during episodes - make sure you have all the medications and supports available. Hyperactive episodes can trigger over expenditure and recklessness, taking away their credit card, keys with consent beforehand could help.
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